One Day Less

And I’m feeling like shit. I’m not focusing on all of this. I’m working hard to make it better. I’m following all the doctors’ advice, taking all my pills, staying on a low sodium, low fat diet and still trying to loose weight event though I’m thinner now than anytime in my adult life. I’m under 200lbs. I don’t remember being under 200lbs since high school. I’ve lost so much weight that I my wedding ring falls from my fingers.

I don’t know why today is hard. I’ve been breaking into tears for no reason at all. The sadness slowly pulls together like a tornado, until it forms a cone and unleashes its vengeance suddenly and without warning destroying all in its path while scattering the rest of your emotions, strengths and weaknesses in all directions. It leaves me hurting, scarred and scared, grasping, trying to put a life together again that I was never really happy with in the first place.

Today sucks. I’m sinking.  I need to get my head in a better place and think about what I can do, not what I can’t.

I was never a quitter. I’m still not.

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One Response to One Day Less

  1. Jim Clifford says:

    I'm a first time visitor to your site. If you have VA benefits, get there, see a shrink, get some meds (Buproprion 150 mg twice a day for me) with meds and talk therapy from a psychologist, you can fight depression. It's not easy, and it doesn't go away, but you may be able to learn techniques to fight back. Consider getting a book on "mindfulness"., it is a technique of recognizing bad thoughts, analyzing them, and then realizing that you must let them pass, and view the rest of your world without them. It's a bitch, but you can battle back. Good luck. Any other medical service you favor will do as well.

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